4.17.2009

{ computers for dummies }

I had a gut-busting conversation with Camryn a while ago that I feel I MUST share. And she has relinquished all copyrights of said conversation and has given me full permission to MOCK. {Of course I will do it with love...}

While running into problems of the computer-technical nature, we put our two blonde brains together [*snicker*] to work them out. What would take a normal, non-light-colored hair person a mere 20 seconds to fix, took us a lightning quick 45 minutes [minus the gabbing and going off on tangents that were in no way related to computers]. GO TEAM!

How many blondes does it take to change html code?
So As I converse with Camryn, she asks in her sweet, innocent, dead-serious voice about how to switch around the gadgets on the side of the blog. For she spent her Sunday afternoon deleting and re-entering her side bar gadgets in the order she wanted them to appear NOT KNOWING that all you have to do is click on the box and drag it to to wherever you want it. Soooo.... If that's how you've been doing your blogs, here is a tidbit of sacred information:
Click And Drag.

Blogging with Dummies:  We begin. 

Create a blog. "Why yes, I would like to create a blog, I'll just click. Where do I click? Oh, here it is. I think- wish me luck..... Yes!" Create a name for your blog. "I thought it already had a name. Blog. Isn't that what people are calling them these days? Maybe they're not, so I will just call you 'My Blog'." That name has already been chosen. Please choose another. "I KNEW they were still calling them blogs, but why do I have to come up with another name? Fine, I will call you ONLY My blog." That name has already been chosen. Please choose another. "Fine. How about ONLY My Blog That No One Else Can Have...Yes! It's available." Please enter the blog address (URL). "Okay, since the blog is mine, and I'm at my home and can see it on my computer, that would mean the blog has the same address as me! So 2295 west montgomery way..." Characters not allowed: spaces. "Characters not allowed? That's too bad- I've always loved funny people... oh, they don't want spaces. What about myspace? WAIT! Who's Url? Maybe they want his address. I don't know any Url's so maybe I'll just do this: 2295montgomerywayurlshouse- maybe I can trick it into thinking my address is really Url's." Check availablity. "Let me get on eharmony real quick." You are about to navigate away from a page without saving changes. All changes will be lost. Do you wish to continue? "Navigate? What the heck does that mean? Well, I'll just keep creating my blog and hope that Url is available." Congratulations- you have a new blog. Please type in the characters you see for word verification. "It says perifumin. What The Heck Is That? Oh maybe they mean perfume... But there's no picture of a perfume character on my keyboard for me to press... maybe if I just spell the word with these letters here....p.....e.....r.....f.....u.....m.....e......" Thank you. Please pick a Template. "Okay, Url must be available, so onto the temples... oh! Templates. That picture isn't very cute. Oooo- I like this story and the picture's not too bad so I choose this template- I am so techy! I learned a new word!" Now you are ready to start blogging! Please click on the video tutorial for more information. "This is NOT the template I choose! Where's the picture they had
 on it? And the story???? And where's the video whatever so I can get some information?"

{Hopefully none of this sounds familiar. If it does, than Blogging for Dummies probably wouldn't be a good read for you. May I suggest Blogging For Blonde Dummies...}


What is it with "techy" people who feel the need to broadcast their superiority and useMassively Big Words that normal people NEVER use? Like NAVIGATE. Instead of "informing" me that I am about to navigate away from a page with unsaved changes, it should just say: You forgot to click save, idiot. That's okay, we did it for you.

Or on my email- why do I click on the tab "compose a message"? I find myself frantically searching the main page screaming "I just want to send an email!!!!" in my head. And then I remember the fancy words I must click on. Words that should simply read "Write Email". {And the tab next to it should read "Write Email That You Don't Want To Send For Real Because It Says Too Many Mean Things" instead of "Create Draft". I don't know about you, but after being married for a while I've realized that there's more than one way to "create a draft" and it's either cold or smells.}

It also irritates me to no end when the PC commercials come on with the kids who do amazing things with their pictures, and at the end they say I'm a PC and I'm 4 years old. WHAT!!???? There's no WAY they could do that without help.  I'm a tad bit older than them and I have noooo idea how to do half that stuff.  And I think it would be a lot easier to 'figure it out' if those darn "techy" people wouldn't talk in a foreign language.  All this hard drive capacity with data grams or ounces decrypting someone's device driver interface, with fatware or bloatware that complicates the software, or was it hardware, with fiber optic walls of fire, or firewalls, and mega's and giga's byte-ing each other and all other sorts of complicated wordery.  Give It To Me Straight.  I don't have the time to figure out what THE HECK you're trying to say.  My understanding/comprehension level is right there along with Dr. Suess.  

Want to blog   by Jordan Smith
I want to make one with my computer
I want it to have cute background paper
I want a blog that can be mine
With must-have elements of design

will not make one if it's yucky
Must be simple- like, for a ducky
It must not require darker hair
It must not make me want to swear

Don't use big words like "Reveal Formatting"
I can barley comprehend "Borders and Shading"
It should be sooo easy for a head full of air
And the bongles and bangles that reside up in there

So with my computer, I start to create
But big words pop up and I start to debate
If I really should do this without the aid
Of someone who's conquered at least the 3rd grade

My children can do so much more than I can
While I'm on the couch reading "Green Eggs and Ham"
I'm not Sam I am, but I can comprehend him
Which makes learning "techy-code" seem kinda grim

But for now I will do the best that I'm able
Even with words like "fiber optic cable"
Popping up here and there and all around me
Like the boomcoggles did last week out on the sea...

My past two pregnancies have made my brain cells evaporate- dead serious.  This statement has been verified by scientific study- The brain shrinks during pregnancy.  If you don't believe it, then we need to meet.  That is why, when Camryn and I tried to fix some dumb html code, it was like an oxymoron in tangible form.  We may not be ox's, but the other half might be a tad bit true...

2 post a comment :

Heather said...

OH CLEVER CLEVER you! that was great, you just summed up how I feel when I have to create something on the computer, when Camryn asked me if I wanted a button to add to her blog page, I automatically thought why would I want a button? and how are you going to put it on the computer? and then how is everyone else going to see this thing you "stuck" on your computer?

Camryn patiently explained to me (and she didn't laugh out loud) that buttons are like links that you click and they will take you to other sites! How exciting! she told me if I created on for my jewelry site she would put it on her blog! SHE WANTS ME TO CREATE A WHAT??????? I can turn on and off my computer...and she thinks I can do something THAT tricky???? fortunatly my terrified squeak on the phone let her know I have no idea what to do she says in an "I have just had this great idea!!" (because this is the only way it will be done and she knows it) I'll do it for you!!! Is that ok?...well DUH! yes of course it is!! and ty ty ty

Mama Nut said...

That's funny! My husband and I read it and laughed together.

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