{ true love }

Y

ou know the drill:

"You off to work?"

"yep."

*smooch*

"K- Love ya."

"Love you too."

"Drive safely."

"I will."

"'Cuz you're worth more to me alive than dead- you don't have life insurance."

{pause for effect.}

This is what I call 'keeping the romance alive'.

Or just to see if he's paying attention:

Him: See ya..

Me: Be good...

Him: You too.

Me: Drive safe...

Him: You too.

Me: Ummm... {we only have one car}

Him: Love ya...

Me: Love me more...

{He's gone.}

THAT'S when I know he's NOT paying attention. Then I start to worry. Should he be driving in his condition? Perhaps he isn't paying attention because I have let our love dwindle.

In our church, we have a class that focuses on how to improve/enrich your marriage. They have a 100% success rate. Which is why Mr. Smith and I are not allowed to attend. Something about them not wanting their record tainted {although I prefer to think that it's because we don't NEED the class}. So for those of you who may have been kicked out, never invited, or are still attending after 7 years, perhaps you should try our Keeping The Romance Alive Techniques:

1 | It's the little things that say "I love you". Like putting an ice cube on his pillow before he goes to bed. This is Healthy. Let me explain. My friend went to do this to her sweetheart, but when she pulled back the covers to place said cube of frozen water on the pillow, she saw a scorpion. Yes. A scorpion. Right there. On the pillow. Please take a moment to scream, cringe, gasp, etc. See? Healthy.

{I always look this glamourous while talking on the phone. *snort*}

2 | Isn't it sweet when your hunk-hunka burnin' love just calls to tell you he was thinking about you? Well, if these phone calls start to dwindle in frequency, here are some suggestions to keep you on his mind:

* Sprinkle salt on his toothbrush. A classic way to start the day- with you on his mind.

* Orajel. Mr. Smith tried this on me once. Sadly it was baby strength, so all that time he took rubbing it on my glass and fork was for nothing.

* On the underside of your computer mouse, place a post-it note over he sensor, causing the mouse not to work, when your darling lifts it up to see what the problem is, he will see the love note you wrote. Use simple words. Like "Thinking of me?".

* Tape a piece of black paper to block the signal on the TV remote. Please laugh obnoxiously as he tries to change the channel... after all, it is YOU he needs to be thinking of.

*Set his ringtone to "You Don't Bring Me Flowers . . . Anymore". You can't go for subtlety here ladies. Men can't grasp subtleness.

*After driving his car, please leave the music on full blast, playing sappy, girly LOVE songs. Unless your man prefers these songs. Then try some broadway musicals. If he likes those too, then maybe it's okay for you to fight.

3 | Unless you married a supermodel, please do not fight naked. We don't. I know you all received this advice as newly weds, but come on! If I'm mad at my sweetheart, the last thing I want to see is that root beer belly hanging out, furthering my frustrations with him because he let his body go to pot. And I'm sure he thinks the same of my thighs...

{Yes. The picture is entitled HUSBAND TAMING. Beautiful.}

4 | Don't get mad. Get even. He doesn't take out the trash, I don't do his laundry. He does take out the trash . . . well, sometimes I just plain forget to do the laundry.

5 | Just accept the fact that husbands can't watch the kids AND make sure the house stays as clean as you had it. {This will prevent further arguments.} Just accept the fact that if you leave Daddy in charge, the house will look like a stage 4 hurricane hit it. If you can accept this, you have made it just that much further down the road on your Keeping the Romance Alive Journey.

True Love. It's no fairytale. It takes hard work. And men aren't like they were when you were dating and they most definitely are NOT like those you read in certain books.

But I love Mr. Smith for who he is {or isn't}.

Because I know how to keep the romance alive . . .

And now you must excuse me. I have a ringtone to download . . .

---------------------

Have a Great Weekend!

---------------------