{ bees, gas chambers, bathrooms and forbidden fruit }

Mr. Smith tried to explain to my children where honey comes from. . . I should have intervened.

It all began with the simple correction that bees don't just like honey- they make it. My son was intrigued and Mr. Smith continued. His definition of the honey process went as follows:

Bees make the honey in their beehives, then grandpa smokes them to death and steals their honey so that we can eat it.

Do you see where I should have taken over?

After giving him quizzical looks, then a slight glare, he went on to compare this to the Indians. Like when we came over and stole the land from them.

Do you see why I am the one that helps with the homework?

There is truth to these statements {minus the smoking to death/gas chamber analogy} which is why I held my tongue. But now my son is a little weary of eating honey.

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In related news . . .

My daughter flooded the bathroom last night.

No, I didn't take pictures.

For some odd reason, I wasn't mad. My body kicked into Mommy Mode as I ripped off my socks and shoes, rolled the pants up and began soaking up the warm liquid that overflowed from the bathtub. My first thought was "Save The Carpet!" as the edges were turning a lovely shade of darker brown. The inch of water on the tiled bathroom and hallway was quickly soaked up, and then I turned my attention to the edges of the carpet in the rooms. Adrenaline completely took over as I grabbed all the fans we own and aimed them at the wet spots.

I thought I did pretty good.

And then I stepped on the carpet about a foot out from where I had soaked up the "spots". It squished.

Crap.

Water had soaked into the carpet pad.

I grabbed more towels.

We then had a "jumping party". I made my kids jump for forever on those towels. The last thing I want is moldy carpets.

I am happy to report that it was a success!

But here comes my {serious and insanely guilt-driven} Public Service Announcement:

Last night I lay awake in my bed, not praising myself for 'saving the carpet'. I felt a wave of nausea come over me as I realized how bad things could have ended up. I had put little M in the bathtub, filled it fairly full {does anyone else's kids beg to have the water 'really high'?} and and then let her play. I was laying on the couch, trying to get my sinus headache to subside, when I recognized the sound of running water. I don't know how long the water had been running. Long enough to overflow the bathtub and create an indoor swimming pool. But the part that made me sick was the knowledge that I wasn't watching my daughter closely around water. Yes, she is three and it was a bathtub not a swim pool {which I am overly paranoid of my kids being around}. But what if? WHAT IF?

Angels were working overtime. She is safe. I said a super long prayer of gratitude that night- I'm grateful that an 'real' accident didn't happen. I'm grateful that Angels exist during my 'poor parenting' episodes. So what if the carpet gets moldy? Who cares if the dirty clothes hamper was drenched? Who cares if a sinus headache is present? That's not what's important.

This is what's important:

Anyway, here's my soap box . . .

And now I'm off it. *sigh* Kids . . . the things they do to our nerves . . . {I realize that I'm blowing this way out of proportion, but my mind has a way of freaking out on me. It's called: Obsessively Paranoid Mommy Syndrome or OPMS [not to be mistaken with the regular PMS]. I try not to be one of those moms that make my kids wear football gear and helmets every time they go outside. It's hard.}

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Sorry about the 'serious moment'. That's what happens when one gets rambling. So to lighten the mood, I would like to share a story.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's Omnipotence did not extend to His Own Children.

After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was DON'T!

Don't what? Adam replied.

Don't eat the forbidden fruit. God said.

Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve . . . we have forbidden fruit!

No way!

Yes way!

Do NOT eat the fruit! said God.

Why?

Because I am your Father and I said so! God replied, wondering why he hadn't stopped creation of making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His Children having an apple break and He was ticked!

Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? God asked.

Uh huh, Adam replied.

Then why did you? said The Father.

I don't know, said Eve.

She started it! Adam said.

Did not!

Did too!

Did NOT!

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be easy for you?

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Things to Think About Today:

1 | You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and be quiet.

2 | Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

3 | Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

4 | The main purpose to holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

5 | We childproof our homes, but they are still getting in.

6 | If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two aspirin and keep away from children!

Just make sure they aren't alone in the bathtub when you do! ;)

Have a Great Weekend!