11.20.2009

{ i like breathing clean air }

Men Sweat. And it isn't a pretty thing. Nor does it smell socially acceptable. {When I was in high school, I sat next to a young man who wasn't aware of the invention of deodorant. It's okay to dry heave. I did. On a daily basis. And this was choir, so extra breathing was essential, and he not only sat by me, but stood by me too. It's ok- I worked my magical charm and got him moved. Only to have the teacher move him by a good friend. I felt bad about that. But she's a much better person than I, so she could handle it. Bless her.}

Moving on . . .

As I teach piano on our first level, my husband works out while he 'watches' the kids. {Feel free to insert boisterous laugh here.} And let me tell you, as I walk up those stairs after I'm finished, the odor of my home changes as a Distinct Smell fills the air.

Man Sweat.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I find it extremely appropriate to mention that I am eternally grateful for this:

Now don't judge Mr. Smith. He can't help it. No man can for that matter. Why is it that after, oh say, 5 minutes of intense cardio, are they dripping profusely as if the have just walked under Niagra Falls? After I finish my 45 minute session, I can throw on a clean shirt, deodorant and be able to head out to the nearest Walmart. It's not something I do, or even like to do, I'm just saying that it's possible.

* * *

There is another reason I am grateful for this:

Does any one else enjoy Twilight {the book}? Actually it made me mad. It made me so mad because there is NO SUCH MAN OUT THERE. It made me start to have ill feelings towards my husband and I hated that! He is definitely no Edward. There is no absolutely perfect, undying, obsessive knight in shining armor kind of romance going on there. I fear that gentlemen don't exist any more. My hubby doesn't penetrate my soul as he stares passionately ate me, especially when football is on. I could streak across the living room floor in my birthday suit and he wouldn't budge. Or he'd get mad because I blocked his view of a great play. Or he'd say "you can't wait until commercial?". Yeah. Nix on the gentleman factor.

But I do love him.

Just not when he lets one.

Man Farts.

How can something permeate a room THAT QUICKLY??? And make me want to blow chunks?! I'm sure Edward would never even dream of passing gas in the presence of a lady, let alone the woman of his dreams.

{Yes, I am the woman of Mr. Smith's dreams. Even when I don't shower, wear make-up or actually do my hair.}

Which is why I love my Glade Fabric and Air. Maybe Glade could of paid me to endorse their product, but they don't need to. I love it that much. Unless they wanted to part with a few hundred bucks. {I wouldn't mind.}

Men stink. Which is why I felt absolutely no guilt when I decided to not shower this morning, and then kiss my sweetheart with Morning Breath.

Because he had morning breath too.

And then I immediately ran to the bathroom and gargled.

Which means I have to add this to my Gratitude List:




{ps- you Excited for New Moon? Check out MMU. Yes, I'm plugging Camryn's plug for MMA.}

5 post a comment :

ZenMom said...

Oh how right you are...on all counts. Hmmm I may be heading to the store a little later on to stock up on my sweet smelly stuff.

Camryn said...

Seriously--you never cease to amaze me by your talent to just tell it like it is. LOVE the mascot and theme song and super heros. SUPEr cleVer. Dang. Now I need a mascot....

Would baby wipes, prozac, military artillery count?


Love ya, sista!

Mary said...

This is hysterical!!!! I can see you doing this as a stand up bit on a talk show. Thanks for the laugh!

Remodelahlic said...

Thanks for becomng a follower on my blog! IT helped me to find yours and I have enjoyed reading all your clever funny posts! Keep it up!

mindij said...

I need some of that Glade! I'm sick of my bedroom smelling like a stale fart!

Post a Comment

Post a Comment