{ universal truths }

You may have seen these already, through the ingenious invention called electronic mail.

I laughed super hard when I read them, so I thought I would share it with you.

{Italics = peanut gallery}

1 | I think the part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2 | Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. {Not that I've experienced this... I've just heard. From others.}

3 | I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. {You can do that?}

4 | There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5 | How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? {Actually, read here}

6 | Was learning cursive really necessary? {Or calculus for that matter?}

7 | Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

8 | Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9 | I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10 | Bad decisions make great stories. {Again. Not that I would know. *insert sarcasm font here*}

11 | You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment during the day when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. {Hence, I blog.}

12| Can we all just agree to ignore whatever invention comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my movie collection....again. That goes for audio too!

13 | I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14 | "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash it - ever.

15 | I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16 | I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17 | I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18 | I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19 | I wish that Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

20 | Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize that I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. {Can we say Grease?}

21 | I would rather carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take two trips to bring my groceries in. {Cold compress works great.}

22 | The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text. {Well, actually, for me it's read a text. I have enough trouble just texting, let alone driving too. Plus I'm paranoid - that's right. I saw that special on Oprah.}

23 | I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. {Let's see - flour, sugar, butter, eggs, cocoa powder, cook book...}

24 | How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? {This happens on a daily basis.}

25 | Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

26 | There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

27 | Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

And because I have issues ending a list on 27, I thought I would add my own:

28 | Drinks always taste better when you use a straw.

29 | Clutter mates and has babies while you're sleeping.

30 | What was I thinking buying a black cell phone, when I was clearly aware that the inside of my purse was the same color?

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Hope you all have a great weekend!

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xoxo

jordan