{ while you were sleeping }

It's a shame I have things to do today.  It's a pity that I have to see people this afternoon.  'Cuz I really could use an 
"Underwear Day".
Un•der•wear Day: -noun.  1. A day where the wearing of only underwear is observed.  2. A day dedicated to underwear.

I wish I had the authority to make this day official.  Perhaps change Wednesday to Underday.  The kids at school will thank me when it comes time to do their 'days of the week' spelling test.  I still have to sound it out phonetically when I spell it: wed nes day.  The english language has retarded tenancies.  Like friends.  Fry ends.  That's what my brain says every time I spell it...  


...so back to "I wish it was an Underwear Day."  

Let me tell you a little story about what happened last night while you were sleeping:

Last night was a little rough.  My toddler hasn't been sleeping very good.

Why?  You ask.

Because she's scared of the...  

Yes, my not-quite-3-year-old is scared of the dark, so she sneaks out of bed and turns the light on.  This disrupts the peaceful sleeping of her older brother, who wakes up whining and crying because she is "bothering him".  

So, me being the genius that I am, put a lamp in their room last night {because the night light apparently was not doing it's job sufficiently}.  

That didn't work.  She would still get up and turn the light on.  Finally, at 10:00, I got her ANOTHER drink, laid her BACK down, gave her MORE snuggles, read ANOTHER book, sang ANOTHER song, turned off the light AGAIN and left the room.

A few minutes later, it happened.  

The AC turned on.  

I hear a crash in the room, then uncontrollable sobbing, and the banging of something large against the door {months ago I had put one of those doorknob child covers on the inside of her door so she couldn't 'escape'}.

I run to her bedroom door, imagining the worst {as any normal mother would}, and when I throw the door open, it scares the living poop out of her, and she starts screaming and shaking.  I felt kinda bad. Maybe I should have been a little less haste-y to open the door. But how was I to know that she was using a small wooden chair to bang on the door, so that when I entered her room, I would send said chair flying? 

As I held her and tried to calm her down, it dawns on me that:
She is afraid of the noise the AC makes when it turns on.  

Not good, since we live in one of the most desert-y parts of America.  

So the ENTIRE night, as soon as the AC turned on, she would wake up crying.  
EVERY time.  

How do you explain to a 2 year old what the AC does?  I told her it blows like a fan so we don't get too hot.  Nope.  Still petrified.  I finally put her in my bed {HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!} hoping that she would feel a bit more safe.  Do you know how hard it is to sleep while a toddler {who is capable of The Death Grip} is squeezing your neck for Dear Life?  I offered her just my arm for her cutting-off-circulation pleasure.  Oh, No.  Not good enough.  She had to lay On Top of me, clinging to my body like a baby gorilla.  I started to get a little sweaty.  And we all know that I couldn't just turn up the AC....

Finally, she falls asleep for good.  And the clock says 4.  In the AM.  Righteous.  I think I would have been able to sleep in if it weren't for the fact that she fell off the bed at 7.  And we all know that once you fall off the bed, you're pretty much awake.

I.  Am.  Tired. 

Where is your husband during all of this?  You ask.

He works 12 hour graveyard shifts 5 nights a week.  And last night was one of those five nights.  

Which is why I'm glad we have this:

Even though I wish we had this:

{We used to have 2- but had to give them away as we were moving to a place with no yard.  Yes, I still cry.}

So even though I feel like a walking zombie and wish that I could wear only my underwear today, I have to send a shout out to all of my readers.  You guys rock!  Your comments are not only hilarious, but so thoughtful and uplifting as well.  Throughout my life I have read many a news website and blog, and it makes me so mad to read the comments some people leave!  People who feel the need to belittle, or get a kick out of being negative really boil my blood.  But that is not you, faithful reader/commenter!  Yours do not fall into one of these types of commenting categories, and you should receive an award!!!  Yes, you should!  If you have EVER left a comment here at MMA, please accept this award:

Feel free to copy and paste it on your blogs, websites, add it as your computer wallpaper/screensaver, or even print it out, frame it, and hang it by your front door so that all who visit will KNOW that you are a 
Awesome Commenter!
It's just my little way of saying Thank you!

If you have people who give awesome comments, please spread the love!  We need to reward the good people in this 

1 post a comment :

Jill said...

this is soooo my life! only the husband is in bed while we have 3 other terrified babies in the bed - a king is no longer big enough! we tried locking the door, but all the teenagers end up in our room crying because the babies are screaming. of all the crazy things you have to put up with when being a mom, no one mentioned never being able to sleep in my bed ALONE! thanks for the laugh jordan! its the only way we moms are going to make it with a bit of sanity left!

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