{ how to write the perfect 80's song }

I'm beginning to feel a little old.  No, it's not the fact that I'm ready for bed when 9pm hits, or that the creases in my face that once only appeared when I would smile are now staying there all permanent-like, or the fact that I can't do front hand springs anymore without killing some part(s) of my body, or the fact that my bladder seems to be a lot smaller than it used to be. No, none of these things. 

It's when I turn on the dang radio and flip to the "Oldies" station.

When the heck did it become ok to play Tears For Fears, Erasure, Depeche ModeSoft Cell, Roxette, and other fabs on a station CLEARLY meant to play ONLY songs from a LONG time ago???

{Biting pillow} This is SO not okay with me.

But I came up with a solution that just might help me feel young again.  I think someone needs to write an 80's song for me.  A song that can be played on radio stations that only play young, hip and current musical compositions.  If you are one of these beautiful souls who would love to do me this massive favor {and are willing to perm your hair}, I have a few guidelines that you need to follow:

:: Only use synthesizers and electric instruments.  I feel that anything acoustic will taint the effect we are trying to achieve.
:: You MUST sing with an English accent.  I cannot stress the importance of this. 
:: You must choose between no vibrato or an insane amount of it.  This is the ONLY guideline in which you will have a choice between two options.
:: There must be an electric guitar/synthesizer solo.  Multiple synthesizers are not necessary, but they are wicked awesome and will earn you bonus points.
:: Obtain/get inspiration for your lyrics by attending a third grade poetry reading.
:: Feel free to write several songs like this, but once you have a hit, please don't write anymore.  You must be able to qualify under the 'one-hit-wonder' category.
:: Because in 20 years, they will be doing a "Where Are They Now" reality TV show, and I would hate for you to miss out on the wonderful opportunity to be a part of that.

We can discuss clothing, the amount of hairspray to use, if "Static Pseudo Ninjas" is the perfect name for your band, and album covers later.  Let's just get that perfect 80's song started.  

Any takers? 

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend- I'm off to restock my year supply of Aqua Net, then show my kids how to do 5 cartwheels in a row.  Which may result in a visit to Urgent Care.  {Hey, as long as it produces rockin' blogging material, it's worth it, right?}  --xoxo

p.s. - what would you name your faux 80's band?

2 post a comment :

Emily Joyce said...

Hahaha! I honestly have no idea what I'd call my 80's band...I was born in '90, so I missed those days!

Liza Day said...

That post brought back some memories! I might call my band "The Dangerous Bangs" haha!!! Now I want to write an 80's song about myself.

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