{ camryn's corner }

How many of you braved the Black Friday Crowds? For the first time ever in my life, I did so last week. And you know what? Other than standing in line for a ridiculous amount of time, it really wasn't that bad! And I now have greater faith in the buddy system. One gets in line while the other shops, then go back and switch. No kidding- saves you hours!

Anywho.

Today is the day that Camryn pays homage to the Christmas season by saying goodbye to fall . . .

. . . and hello to shopping mobs and groaning credit cards!

Read her delightfully funny take on the matter here!

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Happy Monday!

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{ giving thanksgiving thanks }

Okay, I'm trying to get a head count. I'm up to 35 people at my house for thanksgiving, including your family that puts us at 39. I'll set your plate next to mine! Come early and we can talk and sample pumpkin pies before anyone knows what we're doing. We'll hide out in my pantry--I have child-proof locks! It keeps out adults too :)

Then we'll play the Wii, make fun of ourselves as we groan and roll on the floor like bloated eclairs because we are so stuffed from dinner as we dial the John Deere's hotline for a rental on their forklift...."

That was the beautiful and thoughtful invite I received from Camryn not too long ago.

{Sometimes it totally stinks that I live 7 trillion miles one entire state away from her. Don't you love it when you get along with family? It makes the holidays SO MUCH easier! Unless you're like me and live 372,968 hours a whole day away. Then it doesn't matter if you get along or not...}

This Thanksgiving I decided to list things that I am grateful for. Cliche, I know, but bear with me...

1 | a daughter that finally pees in the toilet.

2 | most of the time.

3 | a son that has finally learned that using a whole roll of toilet paper is unnecessary when going #2.

4 | the same son who sometimes substitutes w's with h's, making me giggle when he talked about Star Wars the other day.

5 | a husband who lovingly bought me a Christmas present, but forgets that it is I who pays the bills and checks our online bank statements.

6 | it's from a store that sells really specific stuff.

7 | no, it's not Victoria Secret.

8 | a husband who eventually takes out the trash.

9 | and trusts me enough inform me that he has laid claim to 'under the bed' as his Christmas Present Hiding Territory.

10 | then adds "no peeking".

11 | a roof over my head.

12 | the pigeons would like to add that to their list, too.

13 | genius people who concoct divine pie/cookie/cake/pastry recipes.

14 | ibuprofen and Icy Hot.

15 | UPS for providing tracking numbers.

16 | a son who would rather stay home with me than go to school.

17 | but when I told him he still had to go, he coughed {fake} and said "See Mom?! I have TWO coughs!"

18 | I always wonder if he enjoyed school that day.

19 | sore muscles from yesterday that make it convenient necessary to skip my work out session today.

20 | a son that pulls out his own teeth.

21 | fingernails.

22 | Christmas bonuses.

23 | my mad doodling with a mouse skills.

24 | *snicker*

25 | the strike-out feature . . .

Okay, so the list could go on for miles. But I am now warning you that the sappy meter is about to go off the charts as I type these next words...

I am also grateful for you, dear readers and followers. You are my validation that I'm not completely insane! I love your comments- every one of you has said the most thoughtful things. It's weird that I feel endeared to everyone, yet we've never met - Warm fuzzies all around!

So Thank You! I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving, wherever you are. Eat an extra piece of pie and and extra helping of mashed potatoes for me, will ya? Oh, and Camryn: Get Better Chica! Eat lots of this . . .

{It's turkey flavored so that makes it festive, right? And what screams holidays more than snowflake clip art?}

{ i like breathing clean air }

Men Sweat. And it isn't a pretty thing. Nor does it smell socially acceptable. {When I was in high school, I sat next to a young man who wasn't aware of the invention of deodorant. It's okay to dry heave. I did. On a daily basis. And this was choir, so extra breathing was essential, and he not only sat by me, but stood by me too. It's ok- I worked my magical charm and got him moved. Only to have the teacher move him by a good friend. I felt bad about that. But she's a much better person than I, so she could handle it. Bless her.}

Moving on . . .

As I teach piano on our first level, my husband works out while he 'watches' the kids. {Feel free to insert boisterous laugh here.} And let me tell you, as I walk up those stairs after I'm finished, the odor of my home changes as a Distinct Smell fills the air.

Man Sweat.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I find it extremely appropriate to mention that I am eternally grateful for this:

Now don't judge Mr. Smith. He can't help it. No man can for that matter. Why is it that after, oh say, 5 minutes of intense cardio, are they dripping profusely as if the have just walked under Niagra Falls? After I finish my 45 minute session, I can throw on a clean shirt, deodorant and be able to head out to the nearest Walmart. It's not something I do, or even like to do, I'm just saying that it's possible.

* * *

There is another reason I am grateful for this:

Does any one else enjoy Twilight {the book}? Actually it made me mad. It made me so mad because there is NO SUCH MAN OUT THERE. It made me start to have ill feelings towards my husband and I hated that! He is definitely no Edward. There is no absolutely perfect, undying, obsessive knight in shining armor kind of romance going on there. I fear that gentlemen don't exist any more. My hubby doesn't penetrate my soul as he stares passionately ate me, especially when football is on. I could streak across the living room floor in my birthday suit and he wouldn't budge. Or he'd get mad because I blocked his view of a great play. Or he'd say "you can't wait until commercial?". Yeah. Nix on the gentleman factor.

But I do love him.

Just not when he lets one.

Man Farts.

How can something permeate a room THAT QUICKLY??? And make me want to blow chunks?! I'm sure Edward would never even dream of passing gas in the presence of a lady, let alone the woman of his dreams.

{Yes, I am the woman of Mr. Smith's dreams. Even when I don't shower, wear make-up or actually do my hair.}

Which is why I love my Glade Fabric and Air. Maybe Glade could of paid me to endorse their product, but they don't need to. I love it that much. Unless they wanted to part with a few hundred bucks. {I wouldn't mind.}

Men stink. Which is why I felt absolutely no guilt when I decided to not shower this morning, and then kiss my sweetheart with Morning Breath.

Because he had morning breath too.

And then I immediately ran to the bathroom and gargled.

Which means I have to add this to my Gratitude List:

{ps- you Excited for New Moon? Check out MMU. Yes, I'm plugging Camryn's plug for MMA.}

{ stay tuned }

I only have a sec! Potty training again, plus babysitting all day means little time for ME. Which is fine! But I HAD to share a funny story. Then tonight I'll post another random thought from the recesses of my mommy brain...

Potty training in the winter goes like this:

Place lack-of-bladder-controlled kid on toilet.

She screams.

"It's too cold!!"

Put princess panties back on her, sit her at the table so she can eat the soggy Captain Crunch that has been sitting there for nine hours, because that's how long it took you to fight with her to "Just pee in the Toilet!!", and turn on the heater.

Come back down to find said child-in-training peeing all over the chair.

Take now smelly child into the bathroom and order the immediate removal of Nasty Panties.

But she refuses. Why???

Because they're "warm mommy!!!".

Yep. Probably.

And I must tell you that as I was typing this, I smelled poo. Thinking I had yet another accident to clean up, I ran to my daughter. False alarm. I asked the little girl I'm babysitting if she had to go potty. "Nope! I just farted!"

Awesome.

And now I must go. We've colored all over ourselves and are now touching the sewing machine...

But I'll be back!

{ camryn's corner + }

So I didn't post yesterday because I was gone all day. Do you know how frustrating house hunting is? And then you find not only one, but TWO that you really like and can't decide?

It's totally stressing me out.

But not only did I have that fiasco, but this is MMA's

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100th POST!!!!

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I tried and tried to think of something fun to do. I need to celebrate people! And this just doesn't cut it:

I was racking the brain, but since I can't seem to get the creative juices flowing, I decided to just list some crowd favorite posts:

{ bodily functions }

{ you fold sheets like a girl }

{ mild case of alzheimer's }

{ if mom's get paid . . . }

{ simple minds, simple pleasures }

{ a day late and a dollar short }

{ a sorry attempt at wordless wednesday }

{ midweek thoughts }

{ family portraits 101 }

{ men }

{ i heart mix tapes }

{ computers for dummies }

And since I am plugging Camryn's post as well {read yesterdays adorable post here}, I decided to make a list of my favorite posts she has ingeniously written:

this one's for the road

copy cat!

me through the ages

men

graveyard nutcase

lost in translation

insightful parenting tips

you will self destruct in 5,4,3,2...

panic room

trash woes

been there done that

don't let the bed bugs bite

little quirks...about me

ARGH!!! Actually there are soooo much more that I love, but I have children who need attention, so I will just say go read her stuff! I heart her. And lastly, since the holidays are near, please. oh. please. check out this post:

Butt Ugly Contest

You will not regret it!

So new and old friends, thank you for sticking with The Mean Mommies {aka me and Camryn}. I know there are times we may bore you, but you stick with us! So Thank You!! Thank you for not making us install these:

{ true love }

Y

ou know the drill:

"You off to work?"

"yep."

*smooch*

"K- Love ya."

"Love you too."

"Drive safely."

"I will."

"'Cuz you're worth more to me alive than dead- you don't have life insurance."

{pause for effect.}

This is what I call 'keeping the romance alive'.

Or just to see if he's paying attention:

Him: See ya..

Me: Be good...

Him: You too.

Me: Drive safe...

Him: You too.

Me: Ummm... {we only have one car}

Him: Love ya...

Me: Love me more...

{He's gone.}

THAT'S when I know he's NOT paying attention. Then I start to worry. Should he be driving in his condition? Perhaps he isn't paying attention because I have let our love dwindle.

In our church, we have a class that focuses on how to improve/enrich your marriage. They have a 100% success rate. Which is why Mr. Smith and I are not allowed to attend. Something about them not wanting their record tainted {although I prefer to think that it's because we don't NEED the class}. So for those of you who may have been kicked out, never invited, or are still attending after 7 years, perhaps you should try our Keeping The Romance Alive Techniques:

1 | It's the little things that say "I love you". Like putting an ice cube on his pillow before he goes to bed. This is Healthy. Let me explain. My friend went to do this to her sweetheart, but when she pulled back the covers to place said cube of frozen water on the pillow, she saw a scorpion. Yes. A scorpion. Right there. On the pillow. Please take a moment to scream, cringe, gasp, etc. See? Healthy.

{I always look this glamourous while talking on the phone. *snort*}

2 | Isn't it sweet when your hunk-hunka burnin' love just calls to tell you he was thinking about you? Well, if these phone calls start to dwindle in frequency, here are some suggestions to keep you on his mind:

* Sprinkle salt on his toothbrush. A classic way to start the day- with you on his mind.

* Orajel. Mr. Smith tried this on me once. Sadly it was baby strength, so all that time he took rubbing it on my glass and fork was for nothing.

* On the underside of your computer mouse, place a post-it note over he sensor, causing the mouse not to work, when your darling lifts it up to see what the problem is, he will see the love note you wrote. Use simple words. Like "Thinking of me?".

* Tape a piece of black paper to block the signal on the TV remote. Please laugh obnoxiously as he tries to change the channel... after all, it is YOU he needs to be thinking of.

*Set his ringtone to "You Don't Bring Me Flowers . . . Anymore". You can't go for subtlety here ladies. Men can't grasp subtleness.

*After driving his car, please leave the music on full blast, playing sappy, girly LOVE songs. Unless your man prefers these songs. Then try some broadway musicals. If he likes those too, then maybe it's okay for you to fight.

3 | Unless you married a supermodel, please do not fight naked. We don't. I know you all received this advice as newly weds, but come on! If I'm mad at my sweetheart, the last thing I want to see is that root beer belly hanging out, furthering my frustrations with him because he let his body go to pot. And I'm sure he thinks the same of my thighs...

{Yes. The picture is entitled HUSBAND TAMING. Beautiful.}

4 | Don't get mad. Get even. He doesn't take out the trash, I don't do his laundry. He does take out the trash . . . well, sometimes I just plain forget to do the laundry.

5 | Just accept the fact that husbands can't watch the kids AND make sure the house stays as clean as you had it. {This will prevent further arguments.} Just accept the fact that if you leave Daddy in charge, the house will look like a stage 4 hurricane hit it. If you can accept this, you have made it just that much further down the road on your Keeping the Romance Alive Journey.

True Love. It's no fairytale. It takes hard work. And men aren't like they were when you were dating and they most definitely are NOT like those you read in certain books.

But I love Mr. Smith for who he is {or isn't}.

Because I know how to keep the romance alive . . .

And now you must excuse me. I have a ringtone to download . . .

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Have a Great Weekend!

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{ camryn's corner }

I usually post a pic or two with my 'plug' for all y'all to visit MMU. But I won't this time. It would ruin the surprise.

Alright ladies, this one's for us . . . read Camryn's recent post titled Admiration here.

The pic at the end made me chuckle- spread the love, like she suggests, mmkay?

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Happy Monday!

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{ warning: 'homemaking' attempts in progress }

For legal purposes, there should be a loud siren, obnoxiously bright blinking lights, and a squadron of well-built men ready to aid the evacuation process every time I pull out the cook book. Although, I'll admit the latter of the three would be more for my viewing pleasure than actual necessity. {I'd be making more home-cooked meals- that's for sure.}

Okay, okay, I'm not terrible. I would say that I'm average. It's when I try to be amazing that things go wrong. I tried to make amazing pumpkin soup- threw the ENTIRE pot down the disposal. Tried to "spice" up tuna and macaroni salad- I was the only one that would come within 9.72 feet of it. And the meals I do make that taste good are a far cry from "pretty". Betty Crocker would not be bringing her photography crew over any time soon, that's for sure.

So let me tell you about my recent disaster escapade in the kitchen.

Once again, I was trying to get 'creative'. I kinda wish my track record had flashed in front of my eyes before I continued. My cousin {other than Camryn} and I were making caramel apples for Halloween. We were trying to be good mothers and have amazingly glorious traditions that our children will look back on and think that we are the most wonderful mothers ever to walk the earth. You know, those kind of traditions. We purchased our loot at two {yes, two- our first shopping adventure left us caramel-less} different stores and began the process.

My cousin began dipping her apples and made them super gorgeous and proceeded to add chocolate to them. See, she can be creative without it backfiring in her face, why can't I?! I was hoping her luck of creative culinary creations would rub off on me.

But I had to change mine up a bit. Mr. Smith HATES apple peels. They irritate his teeth, or rub funny on them, blah, blah, b...l... *snore*

So me, being The Most Amazing Wifey In The World, decided to peel the apples first. Cuz I'm Awesome that way. And then I decided to cut them up and do bite-sized caramel covered apple pieces. Sounds delightful, huh?

WARNING: CARAMEL INDEED DOES NOT STICK TO APPLE FLESH. AT ALL.

It sluffed off the apple like slime off a slug. So I dump all the pieces into the pan of melted caramel. Perhaps the caramel would cool and harden around it if the pieces were immersed in this confectionary goodness and left in the fridge for a while.

The Next Day . . .

Still sluffing.

I decide to get monstrously creative. {I know, the warning lights were going off in my brain too, but I couldn't waste this heavenly marriage of apples and caramel.} I made a pie crust.

I cooked the pie crust.

I reheated the caramel and apples.

I whipped up some heavy cream till light and fluffy, then folded into the caramel mixture.

Lo and behold . . . {insert heavenly choirs of angels singing here}, I have created the caramel apple chiffon pie.

H A L L E L U J A H!!!

Okay, I really don't know the calorie intake on a slice, nor do I want to know. This thing was so stinking sweet, yet so divine that I kept going back for another "bite". So even though I think I'll tweak it a bit more, here's the lovely 'turning lemons into lemonade' recipe:

The Mean Mommy Caramel Apple Chiffon Pie

So, even though it started out as a disaster, I'm kinda glad my sweetheart doesn't like apple peelings, otherwise I would not have discovered some truly divine-ness. Now we just have to work on him not liking pie crusts. The next morning I found this:

Do you notice something missing? Look closely. Around the edges. Oh wait! You don't see any edges? Maybe that's because Mr. Smith PULLED OFF THE FREAKING CRUST AND ATE IT!!

Which brings me to my next subject- This month I plan on paying tribute to the men in our lives who like to watch football, forget to take out the trash, make their wives peel their apples, come up with insane reasons for their behavior {i.e. crust harvesting}, etc. I am dedicating all of my posts this month to:

Husbands.

In particular, mine.

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Enjoy your weekend!

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{ps- are your Halloween decorations still up, too? And how many pieces of candy have you stolen borrowed eaten from your child's stash?}

{ camryn's corner }

I love fairies: You can make one up for any occasion. I think God created the fairy idea for mothers. You can comfort, bribe and threaten with The Fairy Concept. And there is no limit to the names and what your fairies can do.

Do you have a child who won't stop crying? Threaten them with the Crying Fairy- she takes away unhappy little children to her castle and makes them sing in her Crying Choir.

original pic from here

Does your child have a problem picking up their toys? Tell them the Toy Fairy will come in the night and take all the toys left on the floor and take them to Santa's workshop to give to kids who don't have any.

original pic from here

Did your child eat all of their dinner even try a bite of the slimy asparagus stems? The Ice Cream Fairy may have left a surprise in the freezer!

original pic from here

Then there's the usual Tooth Fairy, Potty Fairy . . . wait . . . is that a normal fairy? Why, no. No it's not. It is a part of the inspired imagination that belongs to Camryn. Click here to read up on this brand new fairy.

original pic from here

But I MUST WARN YOU. Making up fairies can backfire! Your child just may have a deep unknown desire to sing in a Crying Choir. They may feel bad for children who don't have toys and will purposefully leave them out. And they may not even want ice cream. So here is MMA and MMU's disclaimer:

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In the event that you do in fact make up a fairy in order to keep the sanity of you and yours, please be advised that this does not mean that peace and tranquility will ensue. In fact, it could be cloudy with a chance of Backfire. Please be advised that the making up of a new fairy could ease the fallout, but be prepared to make up yet another fairy. MMA and MMU are not responsible for the misuse of this 'fairy making-up' power.

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Thank you.

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Happy Monday!

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